We’ve outgrown our life plan…

It’s the time of year for Christmas letters, time to re-cap what has transpired month-by-month in our lives.  Births and deaths, weddings and vacations, accomplishments and happy memories.   Meanwhile we relegate the sad, the bad, and the hopeless to wait in the closet till the Christmas letters are signed and mailed, or till we’ve pressed ‘Send’ in our e-mail window.  Everything’s looking good in our house…. (Hmm…but that’s another topic for another day) As for our house, we’re getting ready for two things this year: Christmas, and moving.

I was looking back to see what I said in our Christmas letter last year.  I liked it so well I thought I could use it again this year!  Just fine tune a few details.  Add a year to the new grandbaby’s life. Add a wedding. Add a new job for one of our kids.  Put a chick back in our empty nest and voila.  Not much has changed.  In fact last year at this time I wrote:

So… we are enjoying a quiet winding down of our first year with just the two of us rattling around in this big house. Having gotten past the initial withdrawal ache we are enjoying the chance to rediscover 'us' as we wonder what to do next…Our life goals were evidently too limited; we're only 52 and have run out of ideas! Thirty years ago we started our family and now we're back to square one, alone together again. We sure are glad we still like each other!! We want our lives to be about family still and it sure would be nice to live a little nearer to those precious grandkids…so we're asking the Lord to direct our steps with that in mind.

We’ve been thinking about a move for a long time.  The grandkids just keep growing up without us! But the truth is, we’re comfortable here.  Beautiful surroundings, minimal cost of living, maximal leisure time, low stress…low crime rate--safe place to raise a family.  We have enjoyed eleven years of retreat in this place (and what a spot for a retreat center it could be!)  It’s not that we haven’t been willing to move, at least in theory.  And little by little we’ve been weaned from our first loves here.  My hiking adventures largely died with Louie three years ago.    Jim’s sailing ventures ended with the sale of our boat last year.  [To conclude that story, she actually sank in the Strait last spring during a race at the hands of her new owner!]  Our sailing era is over.  

We have found fellowship here and purpose among God’s people, and we have been refreshed, but there is a sense that it is time to move on.  But still… we are here, asking God to move us, lead us, show us, what more He has for us.  And we wait…

I’ve been mulling over Psalm 32:8’s description of what it means to be directed by God: 

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.  Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.” (Ps.32:8 ) 

What does it mean to wait on God for direction with understanding?  Not idle and mute.  Not stupid and stubborn.  What does it mean to be guided by His eye?

Our recent car crash shook us with the reality that life is indeed short.  We are not guaranteed endless years of health and leisure to come and go as we please.  Our lives are not our own.  We are God’s own possession for His purposes.  And we want to be holy people—not just in the sense of ‘what we don’t do’ but in the sense of being all that we are meant to be. 

For what has He designed us in this stage of our lives? 

I’m a homebody.  I love having my own home, my own quiet circles of family and friends, my own little world… I am comfortable here.  But I have always viewed life on this earth as transitory.  No one stage is guaranteed to last a lifetime.  Perhaps this comes from our early married days in missions; we moved constantly, never expecting to put down permanent roots.  Despite being a homebody at heart, finding my ‘dream home’ would be a hazard for me.  I don’t want my heart to be entangled with a place.  I don’t want my security to be based on having found a comfortable routine, a predictable lifestyle or a familiar circle of friends.  Where is the living by faith once I’ve found my ‘dream home’?  Most of all I don’t want to be ‘as the mule’ who must be coerced to move or he will not.  I want to be willing and ready to gladly lay down my love of home and go wherever…

And that’s what I’m pondering these days, as our talks of moving become tasks of getting ready to actually move.  We have laid down more roots here than ever before.  Literally.  Up until this move our fragile sense of permanence has always prevented us from planting trees.  Here we have planted scores of trees—dozens and dozens of firs, seedling maples that tower over us already, and fruit trees that are just coming into their fruitful years… I understand the longing for the permanence of home, to watch trees and kids grow through all the seasons of life.  But we were never meant to love houses and lands and the comforts of home to such an extent that ‘Follow Me’ precludes leaving these. We were never intended to feel completely comfortable in this world.

So as we sense a move coming up we are sorting and sifting the ‘stuff’ of our lives that has brought us a degree of security but which now weighs us down.  And we are asking: Will we need this to fulfill God’s calling on our lives?  

I thought this part would be easy—this knowing what to take.  When it was about furniture, the choices were more clear.  Ages ago we glibly discussed what furnishings we would take if ever we moved.  Since we started out here with next to nothing—sleeping bags and toiletries, random pots and dishes, we have few sentimental attachments to furniture.  But then we officially moved up with a moving van and there were beds and the antique kitchen table and my heirloom rocker and of course, my desk.  And the rest has just grown on us over the years, as ‘stuff’ is wont to grow in a culture that values ‘things’ as the measure and means of happiness.  And we have been carried along on this tidal wave of ‘blessings’.  Imperceptibly my ‘stuff’ and my comfortable place have become a source of security so that the thought of abandoning it gives me shivers in the night.  What if…Jim dies, the economy crashes, we can never own a house again, we hate living in Alberta… What if…

 

….without you I fall apart…

The two songs that brought me peace on the night when my worries got the upper hand were these:  “Lord, I need you” and “My Hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.  I DARE NOT trust the sweetest frame (or home, or comfy situation) but wholly lean on Jesus’ Name.”

Never mind the modern adage to ‘follow your heart’.  Mine is a traitor.  It loves its simple comforts and predictabilities.  It is bound to set its hopes on things seen and to quiver at possibilities unseen. It loves the illusion that everything’s under control. It isn’t. Not under my control anyway.

Have you listened to your heartbeat lately? (another example of something not under my control!)  Not just that physical one that pumps the blood that keeps you in life, but your heart of hearts.  It was designed and installed by God,  custom-made to reflect its Creator’s desires, true enough.  But it’s been sabotaged.  In the garden when Eve opted to make her own decisions, to ‘follow her heart’, to get a better understanding of good and evil…on that day the human heart proved itself untrustworthy.

David was known as a man after God’s own heart despite his failings because  he truly wanted what God wanted. When his own heart carried him away he always made his way back by confessing he had been wrong and God right:

“But David's heart struck him after he had numbered the people. And David said to the LORD, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done. But now, O LORD, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done very foolishly.” II Sam.24:10

I want a heart like that.  Saul’s heart was not so pliable.  He cared more for his own glory than God’s. He died for His breach of faith.  Not only did He disobey God’s clear command, but he justified himself.  In addition, because “He did not seek guidance from the LORD” but sought out a medium instead,
“therefore the LORD put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David…” I Chron. 10:13,14  He couldn’t be bothered to do things God’s way.  His own heart betrayed him.

I don’t want this.  So I am speaking ‘Silence!’ to my quivering heart in this transitional season of our lives, and I am asking that  God would plant His desires in my heart.  I want His peace and His vision for our futures. I want my heart to be weaned from finding security in things and circumstances and to truly set its hope in God.  As He makes His desires to be our desires then we will be holy to our God--

“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” I Pet.3:4-6

Knowing God’s heart is what I’m after, rather than following my own into disillusionment.  I need a refit done on my heart to outfit it with His desires for me. The process is underway.  Part of me is willing to go or stay, to cling to or fling my possessions as He dictates, to forsake this home and fearlessly follow into the great unknown…  He’s got the blueprint for these holy souls he’s making of us. He can see the unique reflection of His glory we are and will be.  He’s got the design and our eyes are on Him for the next steps.

Thanks for sharing our journey by your thoughtful words and prayers.

--LS

“…you have not been like my servant David, who kept my commandments and followed me with all his heart, doing only that which was right in my eyes”
I Kings 14:8

And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.
I Kings 15:3

‘I have found in David the son of Jesse a man after my heart, who will do all my will.' Acts 13:22

“Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?” –David, I Chron.17:16

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Prov.3:5,6

“Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. 
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act.”
Ps.37:4,5 ESV

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus…” Heb.12:1,2

 

 

 

Travelling Light—thoughts for a pack-light pilgrimage

 

Do you travel light?

I don’t;  though it is an ideal I have crept toward over the years. To be able to travel light shines as an ideal only because I know what it is to travel HEAVY.

When the babies were young and airlines used to let them fly free under 2 years old, I would get a hankering come spring, to visit my Grandma on the farm and introduce her to one or the other of them, whosoevers ‘turn’ it was.

What a harrowing event it can be travelling with a toddler single-handed, especially when you have no clue how to travel light.  Is there a way to do this with a baby, a baby carrier and a baby’s diaper bag all hanging from hip and shoulder on one side while you cling to your own carry-on, your purse, a blanket and that hot lunch of BBQ beef and peach pie that you grabbed but didn’t have time to finish before they called your flight to the gate…? I chuckle at the memory.  Those were the days when restrictions were lax and they didn’t keep such strict track of exactly how many items you were towing through the gate, so long as you could get to your seat.  Whew!  Just barely.

But it is occasions like this that make travelling light look so ideal!

I’m pleased to see there are tutorials available for these things.  If you’re curious, a fantastic bunch of practical information can be found at OneBag.com—the Art and Science of Travelling Light.  But regardless of how much good advice you find it will come down to a willingness to do without something—the something that you just might need, the other thing that ‘would be nice’ and the extra stuff that you wouldn’t want to be without in case…

It seems that we are determined to carry with us those things that make us feel at home, and it is precisely these things that bog us down and keep us from being fully present in the places we travel through and to. To be convinced to pack light we must first  "understand that attempts to replicate one's "familiar" lifestyle are a good way to subvert a common goal of such temporary relocations: experiencing the place and purpose of the destination." --OneBag.com

Or put more bluntly:

Trip enjoyment is inversely proportionate to the amount of crap (distractions) you bring with you. –Tim Ferriss

I hadn’t thought of it that way.  The point is not to bring ‘home’ with me, but to temporarily suspend the need for every comfort so as to experience the present and fulfill my purpose in it.  Ahhh……….

Now, I have no intention of writing a travel blog here, but I read these things with the backdrop of last week’s post in my head---that long one I intend not to repeat this week (!)  It was about Abraham, sojourning in a foreign land, by faith in the One who has promised to give it to his descendants as their home. Abraham, traveling light, with his most precious possession--God’s promise.

Sojourning.  I like the ring of that word, such a nice way to describe a temporary stay.  And once I saw it in the life of Abraham it started popping up everywhere.

re: Abraham’s descendants: “Your offspring will be sojourners in a land that is not theirs and will be servants there, and they will be afflicted for 400 years.” Gen.15:13 (Now that was a long sojourn!)

re: Isaac: “Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you.”
Gen 26:3 ESV

re: Lot, facing the scoundrels of Sodom: “And they said, ‘This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge!’” Gen 19:9 ESV

It seems we kin of Abraham are destined to be sojourners this side of Home.  We are strangers here, misfits, foreigners. Jesus said so: “If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” Jn.15:19

“We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.” (1Jo 5:19)  If this is not readily apparent around you, have a peek at our forebears in the faith in Hebrews:

“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. for people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.Heb11:13

We are indeed travelling through—but are we travelling light?

I’m not thinking here of possessions.  Though, in North America, we are all rich men, like camels passing through the eye of a needle to enter the Kingdom! Impossible, but for God. Downsizing and simplifying our lives, weaning ourselves from the love of ‘stuff’ may well be in order, but that’s a subject for another site (and there are plenty of them!)

What’s come to my attention is that my life can weighed down with virtual luggage.  I haul it around as if it were essential—old habits, patterns of thinking, customary ways of facing situations…These things I’m so used to travelling with, in fact, hinder me from seeing the lay of the land and my purpose in it. 

Besides that, I get so pre-occupied with keeping track of my own bags that I miss what’s going on around me. I miss lending a hand to fellow travellers.  Have you been there?  Are you shouldering bags that were meant to be checked?  There’s Someone who’ll see them through to their destination without you having to lift a finger.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week-- surveying the baggage I carry and asking the Lord to show me how to lighten my load.  It’s not so much about the enjoyment of the trip.  (“In this world you will have tribulation” Jn.16:33). This is after all not a cruise.  But I am temporarily on the planet for a purpose and it’s not just to manage my suitcases!

What am I carrying that pre-occupies me, making me short-sighted and short of hands to help another?

I’m asking the Lord…

• What needs to be jettisoned—’I can live without that.’  (But show me how!)  Help me to assess old stubborn thought patterns and make them obedient to Christ.  Show me the lies that cripple me from fulfilling God’s agenda for my journey.
  
• What needs to be ‘checked’—'Lord, you carry this one to its destination.’ Teach me to pray and leave the results in your Hands.
  
• And what is mine to carry—’What is my mission in life?’ And what are the tools and skills I need to carry it out?  Help me identify my priorities and feel free to leave the rest.

I watched out the window one afternoon as a mom walked by with her young boys.  They were heading home from school.  On each of the mom’s shoulders hung a backpack, while her two boys scampered about kicking stones, tussling with each other, falling behind and dashing ahead, as carefree as puppies let out to play. 

Is this  what God wishes to do for me—to carry my burdens?  They are nothing for his shoulders.  He would gladly take them and free me to be a child in His care-- freed to laugh, to run, to celebrate His company.  And in my freedom  might I not better see beyond myself to passersby in need of a hand and a hope of Home?

Ahh, to travel light.  I’m dreaming of it. 

What’s more, spring is on its way; it might be just about time for a trip east to visit kin…better start a proper packing list!

--LS

He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me. ... Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Ps. 55:18, 22 ESV

I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me!
Ps. 119:19 ESV

"Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers.
Ps. 39:12 ESV

A Prayer of Moses, the man of God: Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. ... The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away. ... So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Ps.90:1, 10, 12 ESV