Groaning inwardly… waiting eagerly

I grow weary of waiting to be more than I am…to overcome weaknesses of personality, of upbringing, of an underlying shortness of faith (for want of a better way to put it).   Will I go to my grave frustrated at my feeble prayer life, for instance?  Will I be forever fearful of the unknown, the “what if”s of life?  Or will I grow out of these things?

“When I grow up…”

When does that time come when we have grown into all the things we had imagined we’d be?  During the busy intense years of family life one can safely hold to dreams  that will be fulfilled when there is more time and leisure to pursue them.  If this intense pace ever slows, by reason of health  or changes of place or occupation there comes an uncomfortable season of reckoning…What exactly am I becoming?  Where is the prayer warrior I dreamed a Grandma would naturally be?  Where the seasoned confident woman who rises to meet her lot in life with a mature faith that doesn’t bow any longer to guilt and fear.

Guilt over being less than I should be lingers like a gray cloud over my now graying head.  I shrug it off at the best of times and try to dissect it at the worst of times.  A sense that I am not ‘enough’ to be worthy of the Kingdom of God dogs my days.  I do not do ‘enough’, pray ‘enough’, contribute ‘enough’…Nor is it for want of time to pursue these ideals!  That has become obvious in my present context of relatively uninterrupted leisure.  Then what is lacking? Do I just need to ‘do more’, set better goals, establish more concise lists, get organized, shun distractions and be more sober-minded?! 

When I air this sense of guilt, my husband reminds me of the verse I know well, (in my head):  There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. My response: ‘Yes, but…’ as I continue to imagine my life as one glaring sin of omission.   How is this not condemnable?  Inexcusable?

My real problem is not an inadequate prayer life, though that is an issue I wish I could resolve.  My problem is unbelief that takes the form of an inner resistance to walking by faith.  I want a system to live by, a clear-cut rule of rights and wrongs, a schedule I can keep, a list that once prayed through is ‘enough’.  I want to ‘do righteousness’ on my own steam and then to know I have done it!  But the Gospel talks of a faith that rests all on what Christ has already done.  It speaks of a life that is  a walk of faith as long as we live in these bodies, a life that calls us to defy and deny the allure of the seen, felt and heard wherever it contradicts what God has said.  Here the accuser of the brethren has no place.  Who can curse the one God has blessed?  Who dares judge the tottering one when God has said He will make him stand?

It occurred to me lately that God is not expecting me to be fearless and confident in and of myself (or to pray without ceasing by my sheer effort) but to believe that He is all I need in the face of things I fear and things that undo me.  He has intentionally not chosen the strong and able, the ‘all-together’ confident ones, the movers and shakers of this world ‘so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.’  (I Cor.1:29)  It is the weak ones who have the potential to best reflect His power.  It is the humble that receive grace to be all He intends. He is not asking for my strength, but for my faith. Meanwhile He works in me to will and to do according to His good pleasure in His good time…

I’m slated to lie on an operating table in a couple week’s time and have surgery on the muscles surrounding my right eye.  When the office called  confirming the appointment my nerves were set a' jangle.  All the worst-case-scenarios flitted through my mind, now riddled with doubt.  Was this really a good idea or should I just ‘leave well enough alone’ and live with things as they are—with eye strain and un-remediated vision issues?  Or should I trust myself to the knife of a skilled surgeon and the hope that congenital defect can be resolved for the better. I had made the decision, trusting this was God’s provision and direction for me; now to stand unshaken in faith.

This is perhaps not so very unlike the life of faith I am called to live.  I have trusted myself to a skilled Surgeon.  He has me under the knife.  He intends to create the image of His Son in me.  The old heart has been replaced with a new one, my spirit has been given the life of His Spirit, he’s renewing my mind with truth and cleaning out old habits and thought patterns that don’t fit anymore…And one day, in the blink of an eye, it will be done.  I’ll rise from the table that is this lifetime, transformed into a new make and model that will never again face fear or cringe in guilt.  I will be ‘like unto his glorious body’, righteous through and through.

I’m looking forward to that hope.  And I’m learning to listen to His Word and His Spirit as they show me ‘this is the way; walk in it’.  And I’m thankful for this forgiveness in which I stand by faith, freed from ‘everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses’. (Acts 13:39). I do believe He is at work in my days; Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

--LS 
Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel…which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.  I Cor.15:1,2

For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.
Gal 5:5

If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. I Cor1:19

And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.  Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Rom.8:23-26

Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. I Cor.15:49

We know that when he appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. I Jn.3:2

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Phil.3:20,21

Brethren, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. Gal.6:18

Clearing Streams…

I’ve been thinking lately of my life as an obstructed streamlet. As a kid our house adjoined a small woods through which a stream trickled carrying run-off from the surrounding farmland to the small lake where we skated in the winter and might catch a fish or two in the summer. Every year leaves would fall and rot and clog the flow of water to the lake.  I appointed myself the task of dragging the leaves and muck away so the water could run freely. In company with my dogs and a stick it was a happy pastime.

Now, at this stage in my life, this lull between stages actually,  I am taking stock of the baggage I've hauled around for all these years, both literally and figuratively. I'm not only cleaning out drawers and whole rooms for better utility and greater beauty but I'm looking at long-held habits-- ways of thinking, acting and reacting. Habitual burdens that make life heavy and clog my streams. And I am thinking the time is now, if ever they are to be jettisoned—these fears I haven’t challenged and the pride that fuels them. These endless reasons why this or that is not feasible and really not a good idea after all...  I long to be done with them. 

What am I waiting for?  Why do we cling to our baggage instead of checking it through to never-never-land!  What would it take to drag all this muck out of the stream so it can run freely. 

If I wait till I have ‘ME’ all figured out

     my fears, doubts and foibles

ironed out---solved---vanquished

    my purpose in life clearly charted and understood….

All questions answered

All uncertainties clarified.

When then will I begin…

to try my hand at the things I am drawn to

to serve in love according to my design

            available

                a living sacrifice

                     ‘as-is’

                        imperfect, weak, and ineffectual in glaring ways,

BUT chosen, appointed, useful, and declared ‘just right’

because of Jesus—who died on my behalf

                             ---who lives to intercede for me (and you)

Who infuses my mind with truth,

                 my heart with desire,

          my hands with strength,

that is equal to His purposes for my life.

        Not equal to my ideals perhaps,

                   nor to my envies

            nor to my every whim or compulsion

But equal to His calling and intents—

            His image overlaid on my uniquely created personhood.

He is prepared to take me ‘as is’,

   His servant,

           for His own glory.

What am I waiting for?

 

A scene from my childhood comes back to me now.  I have long had this compulsion to be more dedicated, more holy, more ‘something-I-don’t-seem-to-be’, more pleasing… In this instance I recall I had plunked down with my journal in a quiet place in the wood, not far from that streamlet I had cleared, and I was considering what it would mean  to be a ‘bondservant’. Marked for life, by one’s own choice, as the slave of a cherished Master.  Paul called himself ‘a bondservant of Christ’.  I wanted to be that too.  My reasons may have been more a prideful compulsion to please, than a pure love of my Master.  I remember being sober and fearful to trust Him with my life.  But I wanted to trust.  Little knowing what this would entail in the years still ahead of my young-teen self, I wrote out my commitment in words that day, pledging to be a bondservant of Christ.

And here I am, all these years later, still clearing leaves from streams, still sensing His Spirit beckoning me to trust Him to complete the good work He has started--to make of me all He has designed for me to be. But I find it is He who has done the serving. He who has been committed to me through the thick and the thin of my professed love.  And I know it will be His doing if living water is to flow through my streamlet or burdensome baggage yet be jettisoned from my life.  It is good to be bonded to such a Master!

With living words He woos me to more effectual service:

“Walk by my Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh... Whatever you do, do it as unto me. Abide in me. Walk in my yoke. It's easy. It's light….”

He beckons me to lay aside every weight to which sin clings so closely-- these weights of expectation. These ‘should’s. These demands for things to be other than they are.  Unbelief and discontent with His provision cling closely to these weights. He calls me to lay them aside and run with endurance the race marked out for ME. (Heb.12:1) Not another's race, but mine.

To trust God to complete the work he’s begun in us, this is the ‘obedience of faith’.(Rom.16:26) To live in confident hope of a yet-to-be-revealed righteousness, this is our salvation (Gal.5:5).  And for our every need, our every weakness, our every propensity for sin Jesus’ blood intercedes and grants us free access to God’s mercy and His grace. (Heb.4:14ff)  What more do we need? 

What pleases God?  Jesus does.  He in me and I in Him,  this is enough. (Jn.15:4) Here may I rest my case, beside the quiet streams…

1. Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
   Let me hide myself in Thee;
   Let the water and the blood,
   From Thy wounded side which flowed,
   Be of sin the double cure,
   Save from wrath and make me pure.
   
2. Not the labor of my hands
   Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
   Could my zeal no respite know,
   Could my tears forever flow,
   All for sin could not atone;
   Thou must save, and Thou alone.
   
3. Nothing in my hand I bring,
   Simply to Thy cross I cling;
   Naked, come to Thee for dress;
   Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
   Foul, I to the fountain fly;
   Wash me, Savior, or I die.
   
4. While I draw this fleeting breath,
   When my eyes shall close in death,
   When I rise to worlds unknown,
   And behold Thee on Thy throne,
   Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
   Let me hide myself in Thee.

--Augustus M. Toplady, 1740-1778

--LS

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Mat 11:28-30 KJV)

“… being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Phl 1:6 NKJV)

To be an Encourager…

Staring into space was lovely this morning.  The air was cool, the sky blue, the sun brilliant and I was bushed from raking and digging and hauling compost and wrestling with roots and rubbish.  It was a relief to stop, lean on the shovel and stare.  But tonight it is tiresome. I sit before a blank screen staring….scanning the ‘skies’ for gathering clouds of thought, hoping to settle soon on something constructive to write here. Something encouraging.  Life can be so lonely and so… well, un-encouraging, even when it’s not downright DIScouraging.  I’ve been asking myself (and Jim!)  lately, what would it take to become an encourager…

I check my email, consult a writing blog for ideas, write a couple emails, send a text message, make a note about an upcoming event…still no fitting words with which to begin. The screen is blank.  Hmm… I haven’t yet checked Facebook…

How often I have wished for a life coach who knows me better than I know myself and will help me overcome my personal hurdles—including this immobilizing self-doubt. I don’t need someone who will merely cheer me on irrespective of the direction I’m headed.  That almost anyone can do. (And if there’s a cliff ahead, I’d rather be warned!)  No, I need someone who will steer me where I need to go, who will redirect my focus when it’s misplaced or just too compulsively narrow!  Someone who knows me better than I know myself and who has my best interests at heart…Now that’s the Life Coach I need…. but how is that a useful post?  Starting with a discussion of personal deficits is no way to offer encouragement.

Meanwhile, I have checked Facebook.  I’ve seen my daughter’s pictures, read about the down-side of church-supported orphanages, looked at the news in Alaska and Arizona, “liked” more things than I can remember… and still not come to terms with what to write here…

What would it take to become an encourager? I’ve been pondering these things. One thing is obvious, it will require looking beyond myself and my perceived needs--lifting my head from navel-gazing and noticing that others may perhaps need encouragement at least as much as I.  Likely none of us is immune to the need for encouragement, or Scripture wouldn’t make such a point of calling us to it: But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Heb.3:13  We get so easily ‘stuck’ in our own mire  with little perceived strength to lift another.  Perhaps that’s why we’re cautioned to look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others (Phil 2:4) !  It will rescue us from impotent self-absorption.

Also, to truly encourage we have to have something to offer, lest in extending a hand or opening our mouths we merely add insult to injury or fuel the fears that were already gaining ground.  I did that earlier this week. In my eagerness to warn, I shared my own story of mishap but failed to include the grace part—the way God came to my rescue.  In choosing to focus on the really scary part, the part about me! I left off the most important part of the story.  Encouragement will ultimately always point to Somebody bigger than ourselves as the Hero who will save the day. It will be by His strength that we are enabled to lend a hand or speak a word, not our own self-seeking impulses.

Another trait of an encourager is long-range vision.  I have to see the potential in you before I’m going to be able to coach you to reach for it. I have to believe firmly in God’s design and calling for you if I’m to spur you on to the love and good deeds He’s custom-made for you to walk in.  Seeing ahead and believing what could be is not my strong suit.  (Remember I don’t even play cards! haha) I have need of such hope in the yet unseen.  I marvel at what a good coach can accomplish, or rather what a coach can goad his team to do, all because he believes they can do it.  It’s amazing.

But as my beloved coach pointed out to me this morning, the greatest need of a real encourager is love.  Not the casual mushy gushy “I love you all” tossed out to an unknown audience, but a love that is committed to your success and willing to sacrifice himself to help you achieve it.  Love is not threatened by or envious of another’s success but rejoices selflessly.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things—pretty ideal qualities for an encourager!  But what would it take to become such a person?

Ironically, the answer is in the word itself.  To ‘encourage’ is variously translated in Scripture: to beseech, comfort, exhort, being the primary terms used.  But the underlying root means ‘to call to one’s side’ (in order to) console, encourage, strengthen.  And it is the very same term used to describe the Holy Spirit, our ‘Comforter’.  He is the One sent to come along side us to encourage, strengthen and be with us forever (Jn.14:16). He is the One who will remind us of what Jesus has said and teach us all we need to learn (Jn.14:26), the One who lives to make intercession for us (Rom.8:26), the One through whom God’s love is poured into our hearts (Rom.5:5).  This Encourager is the One who reminds us that we are God’s own children and can cry out to Him as our ‘Daddy’ (Rom.8:15)…  Surely this is enough for any of us to become an encourager. And by faith I say Amen, so be it!

And I’m counting on you who read here to keep pointing me to the One who is my sufficiency, and yours, for all things.  I need that reminder, often!  Thanks for coming along on my journey to grace.

--LS

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. (II Cor.9:8)

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Heb.10:23-25

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. II Cor.1:3,4

And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.
Gal.2:20-21

---------------------------

Some definitions:

Encourage:  to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence

Discouraging: depriving of confidence or hope or enthusiasm and hence often deterring action

A Care Label worth reading

Have you ever stared at a Care Label in dismay at all those cryptic symbols--that tidy row of do’s and don’ts, all laid out in code?  

Every vehicle, appliance, gadget and piece of clothing comes with instructions for its rightful use and care and a profusion of don’ts and warnings for the user unaware:  Don’t submerge in water. Don’t drive drunk. Keep out of reach of children.  Don’t bleach. 

But this sign I saw recently on a hydraulic scissor lift takes the cake!

Is there anything you can legitimately do with this device?

Christianity in a past era particularly was often seen as a religion of DON'Ts. In an effort not to be ‘worldly’ some groups established long lists of do’s and especially don’ts.   I grew up in such a sect.  Many were the rules, mostly unspoken,  associated with holiness. They would at least mark the user as holier than the rest of Christendom’s worldly folks! We were the ‘faithful few’.  We kept the rules. Sanctification was seen as do-able, or more accurately, as achievable if you didn’t do a number of things.

For instance, playing cards with real ‘playing cards’ was taboo. (Somehow ‘fake’ cards like Crazy Eights and Fish and Old Maid were ok, at least in our house.) Going to movies was frowned upon so that the debut of The Hiding Place caused great struggles of conscience. Dancing and drinking were completely shunned and wearing jewelry and make-up, suspect.  Though not explicitly stated, it did seem more saintly to avoid looking stylish, cutting your hair or wearing pants.  And it was the ideal in the generations before mine to wear a dark navy uniform.  This even included the bride at her own wedding!  as though to be beautiful, even attractive, was at odds with being holy.

This sort of rule-making and keeping was well intended-- thought to be an aid toward attaining holiness and maintaining separation from the world. The unforeseen effects were often pride and an odious self-righteousness which proved to be ‘of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.’ Col.2:23  It isn’t my intent here to mock these practices but only to point out how their application  has distorted my own concepts of holiness and the process of sanctification, which to this day are under reconstruction. [That is not so say that there were not many truly godly people modeling a genuine faith to me within the constraints of this strict system. My own precious kith and kin were among them and I truly do treasure my unique God-given heritage.] 

That being said I welcome reminders that the process of sanctification isn’t a row of DON’T symbols dependent on my diligence,  but a walking in dependence on the Spirit to accomplish God’s will in my heart. “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Gal.5:16)

I’ve been studying I Thessalonians today.  Sanctification is a recurring theme, as is Jesus’ Second Coming.  The two go together really.  The hope of the One assures the ongoing process of the other until the day we will be presented blameless before our Saviour.

I am struck by the succinctness of Paul’s concluding instructions—a compact set of DO’s and DON’Ts that if followed will,
I suspect, accomplish our sanctification quite nicely.  

And if followed they will definitely set us apart from the world.  Imagine it:

Rejoice Always. The world knows nothing like this, having nothing so unchanging as our Lord to guarantee sustainable joy!

Pray without ceasing.  “The way to rejoice evermore is to pray without ceasing. We should rejoice more if we prayed more” –Matthew Henry

Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  This kind of gratitude will test and strengthen our trust in God’s sovereign care and provision.  If He has arranged all the circumstances of our lives for our good and His glory, how can we complain?

And tacked onto these, an essential DO NOT, essential because this is the source of our ability to rejoice, to pray and to give thanks:
Do not quench the Spirit. God’s Holy Spirit within us not only makes us holy but is interceding for us according to God’s will (Romans 8:27). How reassuring is that!  No wonder we are told not to silence His voice by our own obstinate refusal to listen.(Cf.Heb.4:7)

And a wise caution: Do not despise prophecies but test everything. Hold fast what is good.  Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians has been strewn with prophecy—a warning to expect suffering, a 'heads-up’ about the Lord’s coming, and instructions on how to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord.  We are of all people most fortunate to have the living and abiding Words of God at our disposal.  They are essential to our sanctification!

And lastly, Abstain from every form of evil. May we cultivate appetites for what is truly good and recognize that holiness is far more beautiful and desirable than evil’s fleeting allure can ever be.

Now best of all the wonderful paradox with which Paul closes:

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it. (I Th.5:23,24)

Our sanctification is ultimately God’s business.  He calls us to it and oversees its completion in us.  We have only to take note of the Care Label’s instructions:

Rejoice always,
Pray without ceasing
Give thanks in all circumstances
      for THIS is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Don’t quench the Spirit
Don’t despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good.
Abstain from every form of evil.
I Thess.5:16-22

--LS

Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. Ps.29:2

Walk in a manner worthy of God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory… not in the passion of lust like [those] who do not know God ….For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives His Holy Spirit to you. ( I Thess.2:12; 4:5,7,8)

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. (Rom.8:27)

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  Do not quench the Spirit…(5:16-19)

My Haunted Home

Hauntingly lonely.  Those were the words that came to my mind as we walked in late after dropping our ‘baby’ off to fly away to school.

Having dropped her off very early that morning Jim and I  had spent a lovely day together, albeit punctuated by glances at the clock and calculations as to where Rachel would be by now…

‘Ah. She’s getting on the plane now…She’s realizing how tired she is…Oh. She’s arriving in Houston… Oh, she’s on the last leg of her trip—must be relieved and excited…Ah. She’s heading for the baggage claim and shuttle to meet the others.  So exciting. So tired..’

As her long awaited dream was taking shape before her eyes we were doing rather ordinary things… riding tandem in the balmy morning…sitting in traffic and more traffic…. shopping at at Costco… waiting for ferries, driving home…

But then we’d arrived home and oh how empty the house felt-- hauntingly lonely. Mechanically, automatically as is our custom no matter how late we get in, we unloaded the van and began putting away our few things-- toiletries, laundry, groceries in their old places, warding off words that might lead to disabling tears. It all seemed rather strange, this rattling around as a two-some in a house meant for a family.  But as part of the familiar process we checked the mail, and there was just the reminder I needed. Yes, our house is haunted. It’s haunted by grace.  God knew just what I’d need…

In the mailbox just outside the front door, tucked in with a letter for Rachel from a pen-pal, was a handmade card from old missionary friends we trained with.  Our babies were babies together and then our paths parted to far-flung places.  They are just returning to their post after sending their youngest off to university. The opening words were: “We have come to another chapter in our lives…”  How apropos! What am I whining about; their children are whole continents away!

It was a short note, a grateful one acknowledging the Lord’s goodness, grace, protection and leading in each of their children’s lives…and it closed with a prayer from Colossians: “that you continue to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” (1:10)  Somehow it was just the reset that I needed, like a silent assurance that God sees, God is pleased, God has purposes yet for our lives. Continue to walk…  This is all we need to do. Just keep walking with Him.  Our roles may be changing but the underlying  purposes for our lives have not changed. We are still here to know Him and live for His pleasure, whatever that may entail.

We are not alone, never have been, never will be.  When Jesus went away He promised not to leave His disciples as orphans.  And so He hasn’t.  The Holy Spirit is alive and well here residing in us to strengthen, encourage and enable us to do all that He will yet call us to do, including living with contentment in every circumstance!  The Voice of God still echoes off the pages of His Word filling our empty moments with grace.  We shall survive and thrive in this our haunted home for His pleasure.

 

And may you too be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light!
(Col.1:11,12)

--LS   

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Eph.3:20,21

“I’d be Delighted!”

Once-upon-a-humid North Dakota afternoon on a gently sloping coulee bank two young lovers exchanged words that ushered in a whole new life for both of them.  Their destinies were joined that day when the young girl responded to the eager young man’s proposal of marriage with the words: “I’d be delighted”.

That was thirty years ago.  Just months afterward there would be a formal exchange of vows and the two would drive off into the sunset with all their earthly goods tucked into a quaint hand built ‘doghouse’ on the back of an antique VW truck. They had hopes and plans tucked in too, but really they were blissfully unaware and unconcerned with all that awaited them down the road. It was enough that they were together.

Blizzards, Babies, Births and Deaths, Homes hither and yon, Miles and miles of travel, Years and years of growing up, for them and their brood ensued…then with a flip of the calendar on another humid summer’s day thirty years hence they sat staring at the last month of life as they had known it. The last child was leaving home shortly and what would be next they could only wonder.  There was no real game plan this time.  Their destinies to date had exceeded their hopes and dreams.  They were in need of fresh vision for the remaining years… Where does one go to get  vision?  How do dreams hatch?  

I’ve been pondering these things lately.  What is it that gives the day-to-day a sense of purpose?  We will make meals and eat and do dishes, sleep and get up, clean house and ride bikes, work and get paid.  This is survival.  But what is our vision for the future? Why are we doing all this?

I read again this week Paul’s testimony before King Agrippa (Acts 26). His life was winding down.  The book of Acts is now nearly complete.  Paul was on trial, he said,  for his hope in God’s promise of resurrection.  He had lived to attain this Resurrection from the dead himself—forgetting what was behind, pressing ever forward, as he puts it, ‘for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus’ (Phil.3:11-14)

He was telling his story to the king. There had been a time when he was convinced  he ought to do things that were actually quite contrary to what God had in mind.  He was on the road toward doing them when KAZAM! God intervened.  A blinding light from heaven.  A voice of introduction: “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.” Instructions.  A brief job resume.  And Saul became Paul, a changed man with a vision that would last his whole life through.  A vision that would carry him through “hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger” (II Cor.6:4,5) and much more!  A vision so strong that he could say “I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” (Acts 20:24) He never took credit for his work, or boasted of the great job he was doing.  He considered it a stewardship which he carried out in the strength that God provided (Eph.3:7) “For necessity is laid upon me.  Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” (I Cor.9:16) 

But this purposeful life began with a calling—God had interrupted Paul’s misdirected zeal with a revelation of Himself and a declaration of His purposes for Paul’s life—I have appeared to you for a purpose: to appoint you as a servant and witness of what I’ve done and will do for you.  I am sending you to open the Gentiles’ eyes that they may turn from darkness to light, from Satan’s power to God, and be forgiven, and join the company of the redeemed by faith. (Acts 26:15-18 paraphrased)

This purposeful life necessitated a willingness on Paul’s part.  He had to respond in obedience to God’s call:  “Therefore, O King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision.” This ‘I’d- be- delighted’ sort of response kicked off a whole new destiny for Paul. God’s enabling followed on the heels of Paul’s acceptance of his mission, “To this day I have had the help that comes from God, and so I stand here testifying both to small and great…” and the result was the life and teachings of Paul that continue to enrich and encourage believers down through history.  All because he was ‘obedient to the heavenly vision.’ 

On the basis of this obedience he invited believers of his day: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (I Cor.11:1)  We may not have a heavenly vision.  But we do have a calling.  This is it.  This is the big picture when I lose my bearings and wonder what life will yet hold for us now that there is no brood under our roof to nurture.  I am invited to follow Christ’s example—who laid down His rights in order to carry out the Father’s will, obedient to death, faithful to the one who appointed him, glad to do the Father’s bidding, always. “My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.” Jn.4:34 This attitude of willingness to do whatever God puts before me seems key to following my true destiny, with or without a ‘heavenly vision’.

It wasn’t so much about the vision anyway, but about meeting Jesus! Long ago at many times and in many ways God spoke to his messengers, the prophets, in visions, through donkeys, in dreams in the night, thundering from mountain tops, in burning bushes. (Heb.1:1) It was terrifying. For all but the prophet who heard it, it was a second-hand way of hearing from God. Some still seek these dramatic exchanges.  But in reality we have been entrusted with something more sure than any vision in the night. We have the living and abiding words of Scripture, a sure and unerring revelation of God’s nature and purposes, a sufficient guide for life and godliness, and yes, for understanding his purposes for our lives at every juncture. (see: II Pet.1:19-21;  II Tim.3:14-17) I am thankful.  I am not left without compass or guidebook.

But more than that, I am not left in need of a prophet, a dramatic vision, or an utterance from Heaven in order to perceive my destiny. Hebrews reminds us God has spoken ultimately to us ‘in these last days’  by His Son (Heb.1:1), the Word made flesh,  sent on our behalf to represent God to us and to offer Himself a sacrifice for us.  Because of Him we can approach God, be indwelt by His Spirit, hear His voice internally and know His will, all without being destroyed!

The whole book of Hebrews is a declaration of the supremacy of the Son, the apostle (sent one) and high priest (our go-between) of our confession. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith.  Knowing Him is our calling.  Looking to Him is all the vision that we need (Heb.12:1,2).  Yes, He is still the Way, the Truth and the Life.  To do His will is still my delight and my destiny.  And He is fully capable of intervening, as per Paul’s testimony (Acts 26:9) ,  if I should be convinced of ‘many things I ought to do’ which aren’t in keeping with His mission for my life.

Yes, I’d be delighted to journey with this Jesus for the rest of my life, even if I can’t see ‘round the next bend in the road.  Since when should I care, as long as we’re together.

--LS 

Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession, who was faithful to him who appointed him…Heb.3:1

“I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” Ps.40:8

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of [his] good pleasure. Phil.2:12,13

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Heb.13:20,21

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God,  let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…  Heb.10:19-24

He leadeth me, still.

It’s like I’ve come to a fork in the road. There’s no going straight ahead, no going on just like always. Life is changing, whether I like it or not, and demands that I get my bearings!

Rachel turned 18 this week and took off on a camping trip to celebrate.  How empty the house seemed.  How full of minutes to spend doing something, anything! It’s not that there aren’t projects to do. I spent hours fabricating a custom Kindle cover  .  And there are books to read, and gardens to water and meals to fix but I’m not yet accustomed to the freedom to do anything whenever without interruption.  I’ve got to get re-oriented here.  Make some decisions.  Formulate a plan of action.  Set some goals.  Figure out my purpose in life!

But it’s more than that, this fork in the road has everything to do with attitude.  Will I embrace the next stage of life with joy and with gratitude or with mully-grubbing reluctance, dragging my feet as if it would help time go backwards-- back to the ‘good old days’ when we were young, and busy, and so surrounded by family that there was little question of our purpose in life!

Yes, there are perceived losses.  My eyes strain easily.  My body creaks more than it did at twenty.  My ‘children’ are nowhere to be seen—they’ve morphed into independent adults. My days are uncharted. Yes, I feel a little lost some days, especially when I scan the horizon in an effort to imagine what’s up ahead. But I have a choice how I proceed.  Whining or trusting.  One way leads to life, of the eternal sort. The other just to crotchety old age.

I sat one morning reflecting on these things and I thought of Jim’s mom, now experiencing Glory.  She was very skilled and talented with her hands. She sewed Jim’s wedding suit, complete with pin-tucked shirt.  She created endlessly—knitting, crocheting, making memory albums, crafting with whatever resources were at hand.  Their house was full of the raw materials of her arts—books, machines, yarn and fabric…And then she began developing macular degeneration. And she was diagnosed with a terminal illness that drained her energy and often caused her pain.  One by one, all the things she loved best to do were taken from her.  But as her eyesight dimmed and so many of her possessions became useless to her, her spirit grew strong.  She consciously and conspicuously trusted her Creator with her incapacities and with her days.  She trusted that God’s purposes for her were good.

She got an audio version of the Bible.  She phoned and asked about the kids so she would know how to pray…and she found she had extra time to pray.  She aged gracefully, gratefully, self-effacingly.  She took the fork that leads to eternal life, this way that shines brighter as the physical grows feebler.  I thought of her, a witness gone before and knew the fork in the road I want to be on.

It will necessitate embracing a new normal, stepping confidently into change without a constant looking back at perceived loss. (Is anything really loss in view of God’s eternal purposes? Phil.3:8) It is a walk by faith, willing to believe that God’s purposes override my self serving ones.  He crafts all the days of my life to shape me into a reflection of Himself. This is His purpose for me.  His glory is the end in view, not my sense of temporal comfort or significance. 

And what a relief to know that Jesus will shepherd me through the changes.  The Lord is my shepherd still.  The antiquated words of that old hymn ring in my mind:  “He leadeth me, O blessed thought, O words with heav’nly comfort fraught…”.  [Do click here for a stirring acapella version of this good hymn]  He leads me.  I am not standing here at this junction on my own.  I don’t have to chart my course, or figure out my purpose; He’s got it laid out.  I need only to hang close to Him and He will guide me in the execution of this fork in the road, for His glory.  This is such a relief.

After all, though my life may seem to be undergoing change at an alarming rate, His purpose hasn’t changed from the beginning of time. It still stands—to bring all things together in Christ,and to conform each of us to Jesus’ image!  And His mercy and His grace have not grown thin.  Nor has the modus operandi for me changed.  It’s still by faith I must proceed.  Still walking with Him into a future I cannot see.   Hasn’t this always been the case? 

He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.  --Jo­seph H. Gil­more, 1862.

AMEN!

--LS
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. Eph.1:11,12

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. Col.2:6,7

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Heb.12:12,13

All the way my Saviour leads me, what have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy who through life has been my Guide?
–Fanny Crosby, the blind hymn writer

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…Heb.12:1,2

Has it really come to this?

Never before have I lost my glasses. They've always been stuck to my face, ever since the third grade when I crept into class that first day with my new cat-eye glasses. But now, there are multiple pairs… and where did I put those reading glasses?!

And there are pills doled out at breakfast—Am I becoming my mother?! Pills to make up for missing sunshine. Pills to rejuvenate aging eyes. Pills to ward off aging…(?!)

And what's this minty scent that wafts me through my days? Ben-Gay?! Yes, they still make the stuff, but surely this sore shoulder muscle isn't here to stay…

Hmm… skin cancer, could this little spot be it? I have just read up on what ''Basal Cell Carcinoma" is. Now for the doctor's appointment. Whoever thought about these things before?

Yes, it's really come to this. I'm getting old. I'm past the half-way point and heading for the home lap assuming it will be shorter, harder and less fun than the first half but really not at all clear what it will be like! Family life is all I've known. I peek back over my shoulder at the happy olden days and wonder how I can pack them away in albums and move on before turning into a pillar of salt from the tears!

To compound my sense of loss, my career as a homeschool teacher of 23 years is ending, abruptly, soon. I feel like a student myself with this deadline looming with such finality. Whether I learned all my lessons or not, whether the assignments got done well or not, the term is up. My work is due 'as is' for grading. How did I do? What have I accomplished? There is no grade point average for me this time around. My five graduates will live with the results, for better or worse. (Now there's a disturbing thought!)

And I’m aching for reassurance that I did good. (I know that’s not good grammar, but it’s what a soul wants to know). I don’t need affirmation in the Comment Box, I need to hear from my Supervisor that He is pleased. Only His Words will suffice to displace this sagging feeling that my best was not good enough.

Never mind ‘best’, who can honestly say they’ve done their best day in-day out for the length of a career? Really? No, we bring at our work what we have to bring, ourselves. And being human and faulted with great cracks and fissures, we bring our weaknesses. These too go into the mix that will make up the final product. All these years and lesson plans and books later I have completed my assignment. The term is ended. But I’m not sure I’ve done a good enough job.  Five fledgling adults educated under my watch are trying their wings in the real world while I sit on the sidelines watching, and waiting, and wondering how we’ve done (and what’s next?!)...

Against this backdrop of doubt and insecurity God speaks Words I need to hear: a call, a gentle correction and a healthier orientation. And I must admit, deep down past all my Eeyore impulses and growing (old) pains, I am excited despite myself for what's to come. I am ready for a new stage. As armloads and boxes of books head out the door the bookshelves stand enticingly empty for a new round of learning. Living spaces too are refigured for new purposes. Life is brightened with endless possibilities. I've even found renewed enthusiasm for gardening. Turning soil and pulling weeds in hopes of new life to come is therapeutic!

But just case you too are in a stage not quite comfortable, not quite confident, not quite all you hoped it would turn out to be, may I offer you the words that have encouraged me this week—a call, a correction, and a new orientation?

First there was this call.  A friend unwittingly pointed me here, to Solomon’s love Song, a picture of lover’s bliss and ultimately of Christ’s love for His bride.  May I paraphrase the Lover’s words?

Listen, hear the birds, see the flowers?  It is springtime.  So, ‘arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away….let me see your face, let me hear your voice…catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.’ 

In each new season of life, Christ calls us to come to Him, to talk to him, to be known by Him, and not to let anything spoil the yield in our vineyard. 

In these winsome words I am reminded of my primary calling, to know and be known by Christ.  This is what really matters.  Many will call Him ‘Lord, Lord’ and point to all their ‘wonderful works’ as evidence of this relationship, but He will profess: “I never knew you; depart from me.” Mt.7:22,23 No amount of work done in His name will make up for a failure to be known by Him.  He’s not so much interested in what I’ve done, as in knowing me.  And so He calls, “come away…let me see your face, let me hear your voice…”.  Here is my invitation to put aside doubts of sufficient worthiness and relax ‘as is’ in the sheer delight of being His desired companion.

A gentle correction came one quiet morning as I sat by the woodstove warding off the chill, reading and thinking, and fretting too, over my failures in this final year of school—technical details and ‘holes’ in our education.  The story of Martha and Mary was before me and I heard Martha’s accusation as I had not heard it before:  “Lord, do you not care that I have to do everything? Tell Mary to help.”  Jesus wouldn’t consent.  He knew Martha was pre-occupied with lesser things and that Mary had found what was important. 

How easy it is to use prayer as a means of getting God to see we need help that He can surely provide.  Surely He will help us accomplish our goals.  How often have I been frustrated this year that school is not what I want it to be?  And even now, short on weeks and long on unmet goals Jesus’ words come with gentle reproof:  Linda, Linda, “you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.”  And what was that one thing that Mary was doing?  She was sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to His teaching. 

Martha had been the one to welcome Him into their home, but she’d lost sight of the value of His company, in her conscientious effort to serve Him.   And again a still small voice beckons me to let go my determination of what needs to be done and listen to what’s on Jesus’ heart.  After all, were we to master all the finer points of grammar and writing, of science and math yet not have learned to value time spent with Jesus, what would we have accomplished? 

Lord, forgive my obsessions with lesser things. Thank-you for denying my demands in order to point me to what is most important.  I am grateful.  Make your priorities for my kids mine also.  When your Kingdom and your Righteousness are first in our hearts, the rest will fall into place as you intend. (Mt.6:33)

The final word of encouragement that has given me a fresh orientation came by way of a wise blogger mom at a similar life stage to my own.  In her ‘keeping it real’ way she arrested my attention with these words:  “It is not our calling to ‘raise Godly children’”.  What?!  She went on to clarify by way of contrast:

"It is our calling :

• to be authentic believers and live out the gospel before our children.
• to nurture, instruct, guide, love, and pray for our children.
• to share God's Word, and share the gospel with our children.

God is the only one who can work in a child's heart and change him into a godly person. His Spirit draws them, opens their eyes, and changes and matures them.”

--Gina Smith at http://www.keepinitrealgina.com

 

A subtle shift in meaning, you say?  No, for me it was an essential reminder not to assume a role never intended for me.  It may be my desire for my children to all be more perfect and godly than I, but this is not my job description. It cannot be.  Only God can make any of us godly!  We are called to love, to nurture, to teach and to discipline and perhaps most of all to depend on God to do these things through us and  in spite of us.  We all fail in many ways.  We don’t do the things we ought, the things we wish we had, or even all the things we could.  But God in His great mercy calls us each to Himself, loves us dearly and invites us to know and be known by Him.  And at my age, this is a good place to have come to.

--LS

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. I Cor.13:9,10

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. I Cor.13:12,13

“My beloved is mine, and I am his…” Sgs.2:13

He makes the bitter things sweet

I had forgotten, or maybe never even noticed…I sat transfixed one morning  this week by words in an old journal, a little book dedicated to recording moments in the life of my last-born child…

It was ten years ago this week that she had prayed after me a prayer asking that she might go to Heaven.  She had been frighteningly sick.  There had been nightmares.  Her big sister had prompted her to think of Hell—it’s real, and it’s not a nice place to end up.  And she had come to me days later to ask how she could be assured of Heaven…

Funny, I had not remembered the association of these events. (She had never told me of her big sister’s words until this very morning as we read ‘her’ book together.)  I had remembered the scary seizure, the slow coming back to us, the tangible relief in the household that night: “It’s so good to hear Rachel’s voice again!”.  I had resented this traumatic interlude in our lives.  That I did remember.  But now, reading that only days later she had come meekly to ask the way to Heaven; this connection I had not seen.

How gracious God is to take the bitter things and make them sweet—to use them for good, and to do so even when we are not grateful.  I had feared for this child. She was born a stubborn one—two weeks overdue and then despite being delivered in the comfort of our own home  bawling for all she was worth and not easily comforted. She was prone to fits of temper from a young age so that  I recognized long before she turned two that I had more than met my match.  This dogged will outstripped mine.  She was persistent. I easily cowed. 

But too, she was always the enthusiast shaker and mover among us.  She made things happen.  She insisted I try drawing an oversized Paddington bear so we could play “Pin the pocket on Paddington” for her birthday.  I had no idea I could recreate such a thing.  She brought it out of me and I marveled.

.

What was this child to become?  I used to wonder.  I read an entry tonight in her little book, where I was marveling at this one’s ability to bring herself under control—to determine a change of mind and carry it out by sheer will to do so.  “I’m being brave” she said and her demeanor in the face of pain was transformed from hysterical pain avoidance to a resolute calm.
“Wow”,  I had written, ‘this will of yours, directed toward doing God’s will, will be a great asset for you.  The difficult part is channeling it for good and not as an occasion for the flesh—yelling, protesting, fussing, complaining and such.” Then came a prayer: “May the Lord so mold your heart and strengthen us to be consistent and firm, so that you will grow to set your face as flint to do His will alone!”

And all the while, by His good Spirit, God was at work---molding that will, using the bitter things to bring sweetness. She’s just pulling into the driveway now; I better wrap this up. Where have the years flown?  My eye lights on this entry shortly before her 6th birthday and I quote: “Mom, after I grow up—and leave home—and organize my home—after a day or two I’m going to come over and visit you.” And there I had sat meditating on Psalm 90, reflecting on the remaining years I would have her, aware even then how short the years would be…

The entry ended with: “It won’t be long and you’ll be off and flying”. Ah, how true.  Today we filled out her application for Bible School. I’m grateful tonight for the years, for the grace and for the bitter things God makes sweet.

--LS

“So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom…

Let thy work appear unto thy servants, and thy glory unto their children. And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.” Ps.90:12,16-17

A Good Place to be after all…

What mother of us has not felt as Moses surely felt standing before the burning bush…here I am barefoot, standing before you Lord.  You are saying you have a job for me to do?  I am chosen particularly for it…and yet, this job?  Who is sufficient for these things?  I am unqualified, overwhelmed, undone at the thought of it.  Yet, called, chosen, and out of options.  You are God.  I am your clay pot formed for your purposes…

You’d think that now, nearing the end of this phase of my career, I would see things differently…but I am also a homeschooling mother, and the finishing of highschool has never been easy.  There is no formula. Each child is different.  How is one ever ‘finished’ and ‘ready’ to be released into life on their own—in the big wide world where there is no mother at hand to come to the rescue…How does one really prepare a child for that?  And if it’s done poorly, whose fault is it? And who will suffer?

Never were these words so poignant as they are this week sounding in my ears: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” Ps.127:1  Unless the Lord is involved in the construction, it’s wood, hay and stubble that will burn, not a lasting product.  (I Cor.3:13,14) It’s a waste of time and energy, in other words.  What matters is what the Lord empowers, what He does in and through us, what He builds in us.

David knew this when he commissioned his son, Solomon, to build the temple he himself had not had the privilege of building. The task was not to be David’s but that didn’t stop him from gathering materials and doing all he could to encourage his son for the daunting task: "Now, my son, the LORD be with you that you may be successful, and build the house of the LORD your God just as He has spoken concerning you. Only, may the LORD give you discretion and understanding…that you may keep [His] law. Then you will prosper…Be strong and courageous.  Fear not; do not be dismayed.” I Chr.22:12,13

Maybe that’s the main thing any of us do as parents—we gather the stuff for the building of the next generation.  We point them to the Chief Architect and urge them to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and always to consult Him in everything.  Maybe that’s all this crisis is about for me—a reminder that the Lord is the One with the blueprint and only He can complete this work He’s laid out for me to participate it. 

Crisis is often invitation to run to the One who is what I’m not, the great “I AM” who mentored Moses.  The great I AM  who led him through the wilderness with a stiff-necked people in tow that tried even the patience of God with their grumbling obstinence!   This One Moses was continuously crying out to: "What shall I do to this people?”! ^Ex.17:4

Who would Moses have been without this assignment that left him so constantly in need of wisdom and desperate for intervention?  Would he have resorted to the Tent of Meeting so often—meeting with God as with a best Confidant so that his face shown in the afterglow?  Would he have been so intent on knowing God and having Him near, always?  And would he have experienced the glory of God—his mercy and grace, His slowness to anger, His steadfast love and faithfulness… (Ex.33:18ff) had he not been given this assignment to shepherd God’s children?

My own heart is calmed and softened as I ponder these things.  I am turned back to gratitude for this trust I have been given of shepherding some of God’s own children.  For I too am thereby made dependent on God’s mercies and compelled to know Him more and so reflect His glory. I too am dependent on the One who is all that I am not, and though I stand here nonplussed and barefoot, it is, after all,  a very good place to be.

--LS 

"Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people. And He said, ‘My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.’" Ex.33:13,14

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Cor.12:9

Then David said to his son Solomon, "Be strong and courageous, and act; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished.” I Chr.28:20

Loose-ends

Loose ends. The term comes from the old days of sailing ships and their multitudinous rigging ropes. Each end had to be tightly bound to prevent it unraveling. I'm a little like a rigging rope; I unravel easily.

Give me predictability, a plan, a steady routine and I hum along through days and weeks and months. Make a sudden move and I jump (ask Jim how many times I've squealed when he's come up silently behind me in the kitchen in the quiet of a pre-breakfast morning.) Ask me to make an unexpected move on short notice and I am overwhelmed at all the minor details required to transition smoothly. And smoothly is the ideal, right?

Loose ends proliferate in my mind. What will unravel if I don't attend to it? I hate lose ends. The unexpected makes me uneasy. I haven't had a chance to prepare for it. I prefer that everything be tickety-boo, (Don't know this expression? Danny Kay will help. Have a listen here! ) (with perhaps a blue-bird on my shoulder too?)  But Life doesn't seem to come in such a tidy package.

My mother-in-law (the greatest cheerleader a wife could hope for) is dying. These many miles away we 'watch' and wonder how long and are poised to travel. Death always seems so unexpected even though it's one thing in life that is assured.

For that matter, life itself is a series of loose ends. Growing up is that—for both child and parent. What will the future hold? Parenting is not an occupation with a tidy job description. Just do this and that and results are guaranteed. Child 4 of 5 is moving out next week. Did we see it coming? Well, yes. Was I expecting it? Well, yes. But am I ready? No. Shouldn't there be a ceremony of some sort? Should it be a celebration or a teary-eyed farewell? Both, I think. But it will pass without fanfare. We may not even be here to wave…

Whether it's a tiff or a task, a birth or a death, or all the growing up in between, I long for the peace of resolution, completion and closure. The uncertainty of the unknown plagues me like a canker sore at holiday time. Makes me edgy and, well, at a loss to know what to do next—'at loose ends' you might say! Leaves me not knowing what to do with expectations. Do I postpone hope or nourish it at risk of disappointment?

Unanswered prayer is another loose end I've been staring in the face this week. Praying without fainting on the one hand, and on the other, resting in faith that my prayers have been heard (even when I can't see the end results!) I don't find this an easy balance. But I'm pretty sure that redoubling my efforts, fueled by doubt as to whether I've been heard, is not the solution. There is no peace here. One could argue from the case of the persistent widow petitioning the unjust judge, but my petitions sometimes seem more like the odious sound of a dripping faucet, the likeness of a quarreling wife never pacified, (Prov.27:15) nagging reminder that her will has not yet been done.

Must I have all the answers before I can rest? Must I know 'the rest of the story' before I will trust? Life is too long a process to be lived in this suspended animation of holding my breath till I can see all the outcomes. Or of living beneath guilt, that I am to blame for hopes gone awry, and therefore must do something, or at least pray harder?!

As a related aside, I read this helpful word from John Piper this week in response to a mother who was feeling the guilt of her child's suicide:

"If you spend your time trying to figure out whether you should be feeling guilty, you'll always come up with an ambiguity. Just relax and feel guilty, and then deal with it the only way that you'll be able to deal with it at the judgment day, because I promise you at the judgment day you'll feel guilty….And if you don't have a solution for that issue now, you may not then. So let's just relax. We're guilty as charged. And now I repent."
[eds:John Piper, Justin Taylor,Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints, Crossway Books, 2008,p.138]

But this whole pressure of wanting loose ends resolved and prayers dramatically answered (now), has come to a head this week. I have been wrestling for assurances instead of resting in the ones already given. Fixation with present loose-ends distorts my perception of God's overarching purposes and unremitting vigilance to fulfill them.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,
Nor wanting, nor wasting, thou rulest in might;
(from Immortal, Invisible God only Wise—Walter Smith, 1876)

I've had to step back, repent, and ask for fresh faith to see His ways as I ought. If I insist on loose ends all being properly tied up before I am at peace… well I am not going to know much rest. It is not to the one who has no loose ends in view that God promises rest, but to the one who knows who is in charge of all those frizzled ends!

They have not known my ways, they will not enter my rest… He said.

We are in fact the flock in His pasture, the sheep of His hand. (Ps.95:7,10-11) The desert walk was a long trudge for the children of Israel. It got hot. Sometimes hunger and thirst set in. The end in sight for the parent generation was death! But for their children, the promised land. For both parents and children the directive was to follow the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night and learn to trust God to care for all the loose ends, all the details in between. He longed for them to know His ways and experience His rest.

I have to come back to this story and specifically this Psalm 95 again and again, and I pray often David's prayer: " Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Ps.25:4,5 This was, incidentally, the verse inscribed on a prominent plaque in my mother-in-law's home. I read it many times. It continues to be my own prayer…

And He hears, and answers. What have I seen this week of His ways?

• Firstly He asks that I hold on to faith. The righteous must live by it. There's no alternative. We do not and will not see the whole story God is orchestrating until this life's chapter is closed. Habakkuk's testimony beckons me to do the same. In the face of impending disaster—the enemy invading, he writes (and I paraphrase):

I will stand at my watchpost and look out to see what God will say—there is an appointed time—it comes—if it seems slow, wait for it. In the meantime, "The righteous shall live by his faith." Don't count on idols. "The Lord is in His holy temple, let all the earth keep silence before Him." (Hab.2:1-4; 18-20) There's no way around the necessity of faith. We do not need a 'sign' of His presence and provision. We need to count on it, come what may.

• Another reminder. This life may seem to be a riot of loose ends but the things that matter most are forever secured. Jesus finished His mission (Jn.19:30) My sin debt has been cancelled. I am somehow declared forgiven and therefore perfect, while yet in the process of having my loose ends bound up… "because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." Heb.10:14 What a paradox.

He invites me to revel in this place of grace, to firmly take my stand by faith that I am His, as is, by grace alone. Not because I scrambled to tie up the loose ends of my unrighteousness into an acceptable offering, but because of His mercy.

• Lastly, there is this: He found me before I knew to seek Him. He shows Himself to those who have not asked. Ultimately, 'it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy." (Rom.9:16) And that is the other 'way of God' I've been reminded of this week—His sovereignty. Have you read Romans 10 and 11 lately? Here is the marvel of the Gentiles being grafted into the family tree of Israel, being brought into fellowship with God. In the meantime God's own people, the Jews' are hardened against their Saviour and Messiah. But only for a time. It's part of a bigger plan of redemption that reaches to you and me.

God's purposes run far beyond the circumstances we behold on any given month or year! They are eternal. We are the clay and He is the potter. It's not our place to question why one heart is hardened--one pot designed for 'dishonorable use', while another is fashioned for honorable use. He works in everything to show the riches of His glory', not ours. Everything is from Him, through Him and to Him. No loose ends excluded! Every strand will be woven for His eternal glory. (Rom.11:36)

In these things I only scratch the surface of God's ways. Ultimately they are so far above ours as to be inscrutable, past finding out! (Rom.11:33) Mercifully, we are given glimpses, and this assurance--He is the alpha and omega (the beginning and the end). And in between? We are asked to present the loose ends of our lives to Him for His use, as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable though frayed around the edges! (Rom.12:1-2)

Knowing I am in His hands for His purposes I can take a deep breath (and let it out!) and pack, and travel unexpectedly, and parent and pray and walk in a frazzled world, by faith that in every 'loose end' He is at work.

The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.Hos.14:9

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Be encouraged with me as you consider these verses that point to the great end of all loose ends—

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. (I Pet.4:7)

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. (Heb.3:13,14)

He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. (I Cor.1:8,9)

Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. (James 5:7,8)

Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. (I Cor 15:24)

His kingdom will have no end. (Luke 1:33)

And I hope you won't think it irreverent or impertinent if I tack on this carefree song from my childhood—Zip-a-dee-doo-day, Zip-a-dee-ay—there's plenty of sunshine heading our way!! It's the truth; it's actual. Everything is 'satisfactual' after all!

--LS

"I will meditate on your precepts, and fix my eyes on your ways…" Ps.119:15

Our Plentiful Redemption

Lots of time for wind-swept, driftwood filled meditations this week. We’ve been on a sailing trip, just Jim and I. I’ve been thinking how life is a lot like a sailing trip… We head out with dreamy-eyed visions of sunny skies, perfect breezes, scenic seascapes and blissful relaxation. That is after all why we take sailing trips isn’t it? Would we embark if we knew the skies would turn grey and begin to spit and the wide ocean be stirred up to pitch us about? Maybe. But why? What’s the draw?

Can’t the captain guarantee us such things? No. He only promises to stick with me come wind come weather, to pilot me safe to the destination he has in mind. He’s got the charts. He knows the perils. We’ll be in this thing together, for better or for worse. Whether it be grilled pork chops on deck in a calm harbor as the day settles around us or canned soup by dim cabin light long after night fall and a long day of navigating. We’re together.

Will it be scintillating sunshine and fresh steady breezes or stifling heat as we languish in the doldrums? Or maybe rainy squalls that drive me below deck to ride it out in closed-eye concentration of mind over matter. It’s ok; we’re in this thing together. It’s a bonding thing. I am my beloveds and he is mine. He takes me on adventures I could never know without him.

And somehow, in the enduring of the not-so-pleasant, and the mildly terrifying and the humdrum our capacity for the joy of the sunny moment, the blissful leisure and the breathtaking vistas is enhanced! Don’t you find it so?

It seems to me life is like that. On this side of the grave, given a sin-fractured world, an enemy scheming sabotage and even our own natures bent on betrayal of our best interests…what hope is there of endless bliss? And yet I find myself incorrigibly aiming for it. And then I’m shocked and affronted when trouble comes. Why? Does the captain owe me a fair-weather sail guarantee? Do voyages come with guarantees? Does life?

I always have to come back to my real hope, the one that won’t disappoint, that Good News that was the ticket for the journey in the first place. When I push back from circumstances and think objectively I see a disconcerting trend of thought that speaks of hope as a future thing, an inheritance that isn’t fully realized yet, but guarded in the here and now by faith in my Captain….

“…born again to a living hope…to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” (I Pet.1:3,4)

“Fix your hope completely on the grace yet to come at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (I Pet.1:13)

“For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?” (Rom 8:24)

Is this really where my hopes are set so that in the meantime I can weather wind and seas and delight in tranquil respites but not cling to them, demand them, or live for them?

The real hope is yet ahead—the hope alone that guarantees complete satisfaction. In the meantime, some winds, maybe rain, some tough moments to endure. “With endurance a joy will develop that frees you to appreciate the pleasure of life’s blessings without requiring from them a satisfaction they cannot provide.” (Crabb,101)

But my captain is with me and in real life He has the power to guarantee me a safe haven at journey’s end. Isn’t this after all the heart of the Gospel, the good news that God is with us, forever! He’s made a way, forgiven our sins, brought us near. And now we’re in this thing called life on earth together.

I have a tendency to think of Him as a resource for my comfort here and now but this is missing the point. He’s with me, yes, but not so everything will be just perfect and I’ll sail sweetly home without a snag. There’s this matter of redemption that has nothing to do (yet) with my physical body and everything to do with my character—the soul of who I am and who I live for. God takes the everyday everythings of life ‘as is’ and redeems them for the purpose of reshaping me for His glory. It’s all there just beyond that comforting verse about all things working together for good… “to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom.8:28ff) If my purpose in life is about sunny skies, idyllic anchorages and ceaseless ease I’ve embarked on the wrong cruise! This one’s about becoming conformed to the image of God’s Son—whatever it takes!

So while I do know I’m in good hands I don’t know what all my days will hold of pain and pleasure. And they seldom come unmixed.

Take for example this trip. There I was smack dab in the middle of these musings and the dinghy motor wouldn’t start. Here we were anchored in a spacious bay on an idyllic summer’s morning, (now fast morphing into afternoon), fresh and free, ready to zip across to the far shore and explore the little village of Heriot Bay, and our spritely little motor refuses to chug, will scarcely cough or hiccup, listless to the endless arm-tiring tugs of the captain…. An hour passes, and more. The spark plugs, the gas line, the inner workings are all laid bare as the dinghy takes on the look of a mechanic’s work bench. Still no spark, the odd back-fire, no go. And we sit in the bay bereft of power to putt about as the sun rises high and hot. Is God in this moment? Doesn’t feel like it. But He is with us yet, soothing our frustrations, fueling our energies to tinker and to serve with patience. Jim’s arm is weary. His problem solving ideas spent. I dispense screwdrivers and ratchets, sandpaper and a rag, eventually the whole tool box. I offer water, a cool cloth, sunscreen and Gatorade, an orange too for energy, and I pray… Does the motor then just have to start? In my kind of story line, yes. In real life, no. We row the mile and a half to ‘town’ (or rather, my captain does!) with sweat, blisters, and patience. Life is like that sometimes. But its purpose is not trivial.

“The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their inheritance will be forever.” I think there’s a timing thing we don’t quite get. The here and now seems so large, so present, so all-important. Preserving life and health and happiness starts to look like everything. But it’s a miniscule blip on an endless horizon.

It’s not about our comfort but our conformity to Jesus’ image. This is a part of the redemption going on. It won’t be complete till our bodies are included—“we eagerly wait for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved.” (Rom.8:23)-- but in the meantime it seems God’s got designs for our characters that are often best accomplished using circumstance. And through thick and thin He is with us, redeeming every moment for our best good. And that’s a plentiful redemption we can count on!

“Hope in the Lord for with the Lord is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption.” (Ps.130:7)

--LS

P.S. “Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him”…commit your way to Him; delight in Him. Now trust that He will bring it to pass… Don’t fret. Nothing good comes of it. (Ps.37)

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Well, since summer has been late to show its warm and sunny face I’ve had some extra time to shuffle papers and sort books and all those indoor organizing kinds of things that really must be done but somehow get put off… I have a closet full of books and papers from seemingly countless years of homeschooling. Considering that I have only one pupil remaining, and two years of instruction to go, it would seem that we don’t need ALL these books. And really, how many samples of handwriting, and weekly schedules and daily assignments do we need to keep? Let’s see, 5 kids X 12 years X 36 weeks X 5 subjects = A massive amount of ‘memorabilia’! Must I keep it all to prove we did something, learned something, and maybe had a little fun doing it?!

Why are some people pack rats anyway? Yes I treasure those forays into creative writing. I love the essays on sundry topics from pranks played on Mom to sailing mishaps to inventive reporting of mundane life experiences… They’re ‘keepers’. I love the artwork (and the doodles) which seem to multiply in proportion to the quantity of paper made available and the ‘dry’ness of the topic at hand… But really, where’s the limit?

So I had me a look at this business of being a ‘pack-rat’ and I found the proper terminology is “compulsive hoarding”… and what’s more, there is a specific syndrome called: Bibliomania – “a disorder involving the collecting or hoarding of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged.” Oh my. Well, my health isn’t in jeopardy yet (though I do seem to have a sore throat and snuffles today… and I did miss a social opportunity to go sailing on this otherwise splendidly sunny and breezy day in order to deal with books…) Hmm. As for the treatment? Anti-depressants and/or psychotherapy can be helpful.

I’m not into drugs, so bring on the psychotherapy! Just so happens I was reading a book (surprise!) and this quote jumped out at me:

“Your preoccupation with satisfaction is the corruption beneath your compulsions” (God’s Love Letters to You--Crabb, 86) 

Huh, what? Read that again… OK, so stretching the context (which I may or may not get back to), I got to thinking about my ‘preoccupation with satisfaction’, even re-worded it… my demand for perfection--to get it right, do it all. In terms of homeschooling, to use every resource to its fullest potential, to learn everything thoroughly, to cover all the bases… and to drive my kids crazy with my edits and demands for more and better and my “it’s-never-quite-good-enough”-ness. Gulp. So I save the books because we’re not quite through with them. So much good content. Wonderful presentation (or not). We could do this… We should go through this one…one day we’ll come back to this… Meanwhile my students have graduated with varying degrees of burn-out, feelings of failure, and a toxic mix of guilt and relief that THAT’s OVER WITH! And me, I hang onto the books and dream…and the papers that verify we learned something through all that!

Ha! Really, given a different personality this job would be a happy picnic. Picking up paper after paper full of memories of small people I got to live and learn with. Small people who were so very clever and such good writers. Each with his/her own angle on the world. Each a challenge and reward all its own. Small people who filled my days with meaning and my life with their delights…Were I not living for perfection, this would be enough, wouldn’t it?!

Why does a book unused have to be a sad thing? Maybe it was a lesson learned (namely, this is not for you; leave it!). A dog learns that lesson. Can’t I? And does a completed book have to feel so bittersweet? Do I really want them all still to be in 4^th grade so we can read-aloud together and learn cursive just a little better… What if life is not about hitting perfection today but about lots of ordinary days where we give what we’ve got to the task at hand and celebrate the accompanying grace, in whatever measure it’s bestowed.

What if the process of living and learning and walking it all out by faith is what matters, not the product at all! Maybe the string of such days well lived is all the product that’s expected on my end. Otherwise, at which stage in this process of growing up can one be said to be ‘complete’. And which test will show it so that I can say ‘Whew, that’s done’. If I’m looking for perfection now, there’ll be no rest, no satisfaction, no commendations forthcoming. Only compulsions.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. Gal.5:6

I sometimes fault my students on working as if ‘getting it over with’ is the whole objective, rather than focusing on learning and enjoying the process. Hmm… seems I haven’t taken that too well to heart myself? Lifetime is an unending process; I may as well get used to the open-endedness of it and start recognizing the glory of each stage, as plenty good enough and cause for celebration! [Sorry kids; your mom’s a slow learner]

So we all ‘with unveiled face’ are called to turn from bondage to books or rules or any good thing that makes us think we can better ourselves…we’re called to turn to Jesus, who ministers to us His righteousness, by His own Spirit, as we look and live. This is how we are changed ‘from one degree of glory to another’ until we behold His likeness and are completed in the ‘twinkling of an eye’—graduated. And life as we’ve always hoped and dreamed it would be commences. That will be glory.

In the meantime? Books and papers serve as reminders of the trail of grace we’ve traveled. I began reading I Samuel this week. After all the ‘doing it their own way’ and resultant bondage of Judges, at last there is one who hears from God and begins to free the Israelites to enjoy their inheritance and to realize what a privilege it is to have God as their King. They toss their idols, confess their sin and decide to serve only the LORD. But watch out! It’s not over. Their oppressors rally intent on keeping them in bondage. They call on Samuel: “Do not cease to cry out to the LORD our God for us!” He does. God answers by thunder and the enemy is routed in confusion. And the next thing Samuel does is to set up a stone by way of reminder. He names it Ebenezer, ‘stone of help’ for he said, “Till now the LORD has helped us.”(I Sam.7:12) The territory lost to the enemy is restored and peace reigns…

Yes! I so want that. None of this bondage to stuff or guilt or ‘if only’ or ‘one day…’ or any such thing. Just a calling out to God that routes the enemy and restores the freedom that is my birthright, and the setting up of landmarks that remind me of His faithfulness.  Maybe that’s what this week is about, sorting and sifting through all these years of homeschooling fallout for a ‘stone’ that will cause me no regret, no anguish of heart, only rejoicing at all the way the Lord has led us and will lead us still--until we stand before Him at the commencement exercises to hear the words: “Well done thou good and faith-filled student. Enter into the joy of your Lord”. Let the wedding feast begin!



I close with these original lyrics to the familiar hymn: Come, Thou Fount
by Robert Robinson (1758)

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise….

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.



--LS